As I was reading about O.J. and Nichole’s relationship, it made me think of the movie “Priscilla” that I just watched. I have no idea if Elvis was physically abusive but that movie (co-produced by Priscilla Presley) was clearly a belated cry for help. Elvis from first meeting the teen in Germany began grooming her. Eventually, when he deemed her “enough “ they married.
What did Pricilla’s parents think was going to happen with a shy teen and a hormonal famous young man? Talk about neglectful , star-struck pair (her parents) when they let her move to the U.S. with Elvis Presley. Who promised them to “take care of her.”
Elvis was a Mama’s boy and clearly saw Priscilla in the Virgin Mary/Whore paradigm. He took a little girl made her dye her hair black and selected clothing that was too mature for her but had a baby-doll look. Then sent her off to high school.
Throughout their marriage, she was emotionally abused, given way too many drugs, publicly cheated on with movie magazine actresses and he “sexually” used her. The sex wasn’t violent but he flaunted his affairs, cut her off sexually then “treated” her to sex with him.
I think Nichole’s and Priscilla’s stories are very similar. They came and stayed (or returned repeatedly) in spite of unhealthy unions. Both had poor self-esteem and got caught up in the allure of the fairy tale. Both became addicted to the attention of a famous, good-looking, idolized man.
As Elvis got lost in his own drug abuse, Priscilla followed him down the rabbit hole. After their daughter was born and Priscilla finally had enough of his affairs., she divorced him.
Nicole’s off again, on again relationship with O.J. was an addiction wherein her identity was not her own but as a wife of a famous man.
Abuse can take a variety of forms and create toxic relationships where both parties feed off each other. Unfortunately, Nichole and Ron Goldman were murdered because if O.J. couldn’t have her no one could.
I suspect she would have lived had she let him go fully the first time. But *she* was the one who went after *him* after the divorce she instigated. When I read Resnick's book - supported by Fatal Heart - I thought to myself, "That woman wasn't going to be happy until he murdered her." An uncharitable thought but I've never understood that woman from the moment she became a household word.
Elvis? OMG what a sexual mess *he* was. I found some YouTube video a few months ago about his thing for young women (I think it was a 60 Minutes segment, might have been the Australian version which publishes a lot of their videos there) and Priscilla wasn't the only young girl he went after. There were several groupies he got involved with. He definitely had a fondness for the young. Rock 'n' roll has a long and ugly history of abusing young girls starting from its inception - Chuck Berry, for violating the Mann Act - transporting an underage girl across state lines for sexual purposes (he was accused of intercourse with her). R&R seems to be particularly prone to attracting those stuck in arrested adolescence - something I noted even when I was a teenager and my schoolmates were going on about this band or that band, this singer or that guitar player.
I have to wonder what the hell the parents were thinking letting their daughters go off with Elvis or whoever. Women collaborate in male sexual deviancy in many ways.
I saw the Elvis movie that came out a few years ago last summer. I felt badly for Priscilla, so young and naive and at a time when no one questioned The Patriarchy. Her parents should have known better, but maybe I judge them harshly. I expect they saw Elvis as a 'good catch' and R&R was so much in its infancy there wasn't a long established history of Boys Behaving Badly.
What the case also proved and should never be forgotten is that black people can be as ignorantly bigoted as whites and should be equally held accountable for their bigotry. Denying blacks agency for their actions in condoning this (and many other) crimes is an example of infantilizing an entire race.
Maybe the abuse is … exciting? Made her feel important? Maybe she thought she knew just how far he would go? It’s brave of you to wade into this side of the story. It’s a good question why some women allow themselves to be victimized.
I've sometimes wondered if there's a masochistic element to putting up with abusers overall. That may be when I feel a little more hopeless about women tolerating abusers in their lives...and I know not all necessarily understand *this is not okay* if they grew up with it. I just dont' get what it is about Nicole and others...there was nothing to indicate she was primed for it somehow. Apart from never thinking too hard, as many young women didn't at that time, about whether it was acceptable for a man to hit, or whether it was only permissible if he was as high-status as OJ.
I think she did love him. I don't know if he truly did; to men like that, women are possessions, incoveniently furnished with minds of their own. Anything I read or watched about NBS never really stuck me that she was *only* gold-digging. She might have, at first, although I suspect she was mostly just overwhelmed to have caught the attention of a handsome, popular, rich, athletic celebrity. I thought he was hot back then too. Until the night he murdered her and Goldman, and I found out what an abuser he was.
When Charlie Sheen was young, I had a BIG thing for him. Then I heard about his abusive ways and he lost me. I don't find abusive men attractive, no matter *who* they are.
Best line in your article and great advice: ‘Don’t blame the victim’ to ‘Don’t BE the victim.’ Like you, it's difficult for me to understand how anyone can make the choice to stay in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship such as Nicole with OJ. Only thing I can figure is that some people prefer to be controlled. Also, they prefer fame and $ to self-respect. Good write-up.
One theme that may be emerging for me is the woman who fights back...Persephone Phoenix just seems to keep finding the good stories :) She passed on one this morning about a woman who was badly beaten by her husband for *years* but then one day she pulled a gun on him and threatened to kill him and he never touched her again. A therapist she told this story to was amazed because once the beatings stop the man never *decides* to stop...but this guy, she said, was a like a meek little lamb after that.
It's risky, but it speaks to something important: Some men will back down when challenged like that. I don't advise anyone to do it, but I wouldn't say don't either. One has to make that decision for herself.
I’m guessing she thought she had some control over the situation and never dreamed he could go so far. It was a rollercoaster she had ridden for some time, so maybe she thought she could handle it.
She knew after awhile. Like, after she was preparing to leave him the second time. She told her family who'd be responsible, and she wrote up and finalized her will a month before. She knew it was coming.
In my more uncharitable moments, I suspect she wasn't going to be happy until he murdered her. I mean, she 'knew how to push his buttons'. It's been years since i read the Resnick book and I know she's not a great source, but I read Fatal Heart last summer. I also watched videos and read articles about NBS. I find her endlessly fascinating as a case study in what *not* to do.
This is probably a weird take-away from this article, but I just wanted to say thank you for acknowledging the fact that man are sometimes abused spouses too. As a man who was abused both emotionally and mentally (not physically for the most part. She hit me twice in ten years) it feels good to see an acknowledgement, however brief.
I've been laughed at and attacked as being offensive for saying I was abused by a woman so that meant a lot.
It's not weird, Jim. It's not funny when men get whacked around. You've probably seen the research videos shot in a British park a few years ago of two staged events: One in which a male actor appears to be arguing and getting mildly violent with his girlfriend; people around them look concerned and intervene. Later, they re-create it the opposite way, and people are laughing at the little 'pussy' I guess getting pushed around. IT'S NOT FUNNY. It's not okay. My ex-partner was physically abused by his wife and I sometimes wondered why he 'let' her. I do think he 'let' her (he was a wuss, I'll admit, all-around) but I never thought it was okay, funny, nor did I look down on him for it. He was raised "You don't hit girls, ever" which I think is a toxic lesson we've taught boys, not realizing that it can put *them* at risk of abuse too. (Whoever thinks of that when they think of preventing abuse?) I'm looking for men who are willing to tell their story, as Persephone Phoenix told hers a few weeks ago (not her real name). Anonymous is fine with me.
My ex got hit pretty hard sometimes by his abusive wife. So it does happen, but yeah, they never wonder whether she's going to kill them (although that happens too sometimes).
This was the perfect time to republish/ rework this article. With the death of OJ and the many new movies and documentaries about abusers like Jeffrey Epstein(I’m thinking, for example of the new Netflix docudrama “Scoop” which exposes Prince Andrew’s close connection to Epstein), society seems finally ready to both denounce abusers, and call out people who enable them. Personal responsibility seems to be making a comeback.
I love the way you show compassion for Nicole Brown while trying to delve into the mystery of her psyche. There is a darkness inside all of us that can take over if we don’t self-reflect. And American culture does not value self-reflection, idolizing as it does beauty, money, and status. As you rightly point out, Brown’s family did not do enough to disrupt her romantic , delusional inner narrative about OJ. And she needed to do some serious self searching for her own sake and for her children’s sake. Instead she became a cautionary tale for women in abusive relationships.
That was one of the most depressing things about this story: The family knew what was going on but did nothing to stop it. Her *father* saw the photos of her bruised face; I'm entirely certain my father would have threatened Oj's life if he ever came near me. I keep in mind that it was all 30-40 years ago when we knew less than we know now, when women were weaker than they are now, when we all still believed "Don't Blame The Victim" even though I've never understood why we didn't challenge willing victims. It's why I've started writing about how domestic violence affects *all* of us and how we *all* need to challenge victims, victimhood narrative, and wussy feminism. It ends when *women* decide it ends, and certain feminists will *never* give up that weakness narrative.
I think if I were Nicole's friend I would have told her, when she talked about going back the second time, "If you do our friendship is over. I love you and I'll miss you but he could come after *me*, your family, or any of your other friends. I don't want to be around when that happens, because he IS going to hurt you badly or kill you."
I believe OJ was paying the mortgage for Nicole's dad. He had a financial motive to ignore the abuse. Which makes me question exactly how functional her family really was.
NIcole was a teenager when she began dating OJ. She may not have had any other yardstick to compare his behavior to.
Are there any middle aged women who have had decades of healthy relationships with men who then date an abuser?
I would doubt it. Nicole's inexperience made her very vulnerable to his psychopathic charm.
I looked specifically for abuse in Nicole's childhood and couldn't find any, but that's interesting about her father. Could have been one of OJ's tactics to keep her family silent. That's an important point you've made about how abusers can operate.
I think also it was the '70s and '80s, when we knew a lot less about abuse than we do now. Mothers didn't talk to their daughters about abuse like mine did. This is why I keep emphasizing women need to be more active in prepping the future generations to not tolerate abuse. I used to get really pissed off back then (I was a teen/young adult) when mothers looked away from their daughters being abused by their fathers or some other relative. They weren't believed. They were told they were lying. The damn mothers really pissed me off.
Well, it's not 1984 anymore. We know more about abuse and domestic violence, so where are the excuses now? We have *got* to watch out for children and young girls more. The crap coming out about Nickelodeon in the wake of the docu-series about the sexualization and sexual abuse of children is appalling. I haven't seen the series yet, but I want to.
We're the grown-ups. We're failing young people, and not just girls.
Yes! This is what we should say to our friends who are willfully staying with violent partners. It might wake some of them up. It might have saved Nicole Brown. That said, the propensity of humans for living in delusional fantasy worlds is depressingly stubborn, as we have both noted in our writings.
As I was reading about O.J. and Nichole’s relationship, it made me think of the movie “Priscilla” that I just watched. I have no idea if Elvis was physically abusive but that movie (co-produced by Priscilla Presley) was clearly a belated cry for help. Elvis from first meeting the teen in Germany began grooming her. Eventually, when he deemed her “enough “ they married.
What did Pricilla’s parents think was going to happen with a shy teen and a hormonal famous young man? Talk about neglectful , star-struck pair (her parents) when they let her move to the U.S. with Elvis Presley. Who promised them to “take care of her.”
Elvis was a Mama’s boy and clearly saw Priscilla in the Virgin Mary/Whore paradigm. He took a little girl made her dye her hair black and selected clothing that was too mature for her but had a baby-doll look. Then sent her off to high school.
Throughout their marriage, she was emotionally abused, given way too many drugs, publicly cheated on with movie magazine actresses and he “sexually” used her. The sex wasn’t violent but he flaunted his affairs, cut her off sexually then “treated” her to sex with him.
I think Nichole’s and Priscilla’s stories are very similar. They came and stayed (or returned repeatedly) in spite of unhealthy unions. Both had poor self-esteem and got caught up in the allure of the fairy tale. Both became addicted to the attention of a famous, good-looking, idolized man.
As Elvis got lost in his own drug abuse, Priscilla followed him down the rabbit hole. After their daughter was born and Priscilla finally had enough of his affairs., she divorced him.
Nicole’s off again, on again relationship with O.J. was an addiction wherein her identity was not her own but as a wife of a famous man.
Abuse can take a variety of forms and create toxic relationships where both parties feed off each other. Unfortunately, Nichole and Ron Goldman were murdered because if O.J. couldn’t have her no one could.
I suspect she would have lived had she let him go fully the first time. But *she* was the one who went after *him* after the divorce she instigated. When I read Resnick's book - supported by Fatal Heart - I thought to myself, "That woman wasn't going to be happy until he murdered her." An uncharitable thought but I've never understood that woman from the moment she became a household word.
Elvis? OMG what a sexual mess *he* was. I found some YouTube video a few months ago about his thing for young women (I think it was a 60 Minutes segment, might have been the Australian version which publishes a lot of their videos there) and Priscilla wasn't the only young girl he went after. There were several groupies he got involved with. He definitely had a fondness for the young. Rock 'n' roll has a long and ugly history of abusing young girls starting from its inception - Chuck Berry, for violating the Mann Act - transporting an underage girl across state lines for sexual purposes (he was accused of intercourse with her). R&R seems to be particularly prone to attracting those stuck in arrested adolescence - something I noted even when I was a teenager and my schoolmates were going on about this band or that band, this singer or that guitar player.
I have to wonder what the hell the parents were thinking letting their daughters go off with Elvis or whoever. Women collaborate in male sexual deviancy in many ways.
I saw the Elvis movie that came out a few years ago last summer. I felt badly for Priscilla, so young and naive and at a time when no one questioned The Patriarchy. Her parents should have known better, but maybe I judge them harshly. I expect they saw Elvis as a 'good catch' and R&R was so much in its infancy there wasn't a long established history of Boys Behaving Badly.
What the case also proved and should never be forgotten is that black people can be as ignorantly bigoted as whites and should be equally held accountable for their bigotry. Denying blacks agency for their actions in condoning this (and many other) crimes is an example of infantilizing an entire race.
Maybe the abuse is … exciting? Made her feel important? Maybe she thought she knew just how far he would go? It’s brave of you to wade into this side of the story. It’s a good question why some women allow themselves to be victimized.
I've sometimes wondered if there's a masochistic element to putting up with abusers overall. That may be when I feel a little more hopeless about women tolerating abusers in their lives...and I know not all necessarily understand *this is not okay* if they grew up with it. I just dont' get what it is about Nicole and others...there was nothing to indicate she was primed for it somehow. Apart from never thinking too hard, as many young women didn't at that time, about whether it was acceptable for a man to hit, or whether it was only permissible if he was as high-status as OJ.
It’s so painful to think about. I found this very painful to read c
Well done I just would change the words ‘she was in love with him’. Nothing there has anything to do with love.
I think she did love him. I don't know if he truly did; to men like that, women are possessions, incoveniently furnished with minds of their own. Anything I read or watched about NBS never really stuck me that she was *only* gold-digging. She might have, at first, although I suspect she was mostly just overwhelmed to have caught the attention of a handsome, popular, rich, athletic celebrity. I thought he was hot back then too. Until the night he murdered her and Goldman, and I found out what an abuser he was.
When Charlie Sheen was young, I had a BIG thing for him. Then I heard about his abusive ways and he lost me. I don't find abusive men attractive, no matter *who* they are.
I don’t know why his abusive behavior didn’t make him disgusting in her eyes. I feel like you are working on explaining that.
These attractions defy rational explanations.
More like she was addicted to him. Probably the remorse phase of the abuse felt pretty good. Until he slapped her back off that pedestal.
Nothing quite like makeup sex, and they had, from what I read, pretty intense sex.
Best line in your article and great advice: ‘Don’t blame the victim’ to ‘Don’t BE the victim.’ Like you, it's difficult for me to understand how anyone can make the choice to stay in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship such as Nicole with OJ. Only thing I can figure is that some people prefer to be controlled. Also, they prefer fame and $ to self-respect. Good write-up.
One theme that may be emerging for me is the woman who fights back...Persephone Phoenix just seems to keep finding the good stories :) She passed on one this morning about a woman who was badly beaten by her husband for *years* but then one day she pulled a gun on him and threatened to kill him and he never touched her again. A therapist she told this story to was amazed because once the beatings stop the man never *decides* to stop...but this guy, she said, was a like a meek little lamb after that.
It's risky, but it speaks to something important: Some men will back down when challenged like that. I don't advise anyone to do it, but I wouldn't say don't either. One has to make that decision for herself.
I’m guessing she thought she had some control over the situation and never dreamed he could go so far. It was a rollercoaster she had ridden for some time, so maybe she thought she could handle it.
She knew after awhile. Like, after she was preparing to leave him the second time. She told her family who'd be responsible, and she wrote up and finalized her will a month before. She knew it was coming.
In my more uncharitable moments, I suspect she wasn't going to be happy until he murdered her. I mean, she 'knew how to push his buttons'. It's been years since i read the Resnick book and I know she's not a great source, but I read Fatal Heart last summer. I also watched videos and read articles about NBS. I find her endlessly fascinating as a case study in what *not* to do.
This is probably a weird take-away from this article, but I just wanted to say thank you for acknowledging the fact that man are sometimes abused spouses too. As a man who was abused both emotionally and mentally (not physically for the most part. She hit me twice in ten years) it feels good to see an acknowledgement, however brief.
I've been laughed at and attacked as being offensive for saying I was abused by a woman so that meant a lot.
It's not weird, Jim. It's not funny when men get whacked around. You've probably seen the research videos shot in a British park a few years ago of two staged events: One in which a male actor appears to be arguing and getting mildly violent with his girlfriend; people around them look concerned and intervene. Later, they re-create it the opposite way, and people are laughing at the little 'pussy' I guess getting pushed around. IT'S NOT FUNNY. It's not okay. My ex-partner was physically abused by his wife and I sometimes wondered why he 'let' her. I do think he 'let' her (he was a wuss, I'll admit, all-around) but I never thought it was okay, funny, nor did I look down on him for it. He was raised "You don't hit girls, ever" which I think is a toxic lesson we've taught boys, not realizing that it can put *them* at risk of abuse too. (Whoever thinks of that when they think of preventing abuse?) I'm looking for men who are willing to tell their story, as Persephone Phoenix told hers a few weeks ago (not her real name). Anonymous is fine with me.
Check your DMs.
Women can be horrible, but the pain inflicted isn’t usually physical. Sorry you found out the hard way
My ex got hit pretty hard sometimes by his abusive wife. So it does happen, but yeah, they never wonder whether she's going to kill them (although that happens too sometimes).
This was the perfect time to republish/ rework this article. With the death of OJ and the many new movies and documentaries about abusers like Jeffrey Epstein(I’m thinking, for example of the new Netflix docudrama “Scoop” which exposes Prince Andrew’s close connection to Epstein), society seems finally ready to both denounce abusers, and call out people who enable them. Personal responsibility seems to be making a comeback.
I love the way you show compassion for Nicole Brown while trying to delve into the mystery of her psyche. There is a darkness inside all of us that can take over if we don’t self-reflect. And American culture does not value self-reflection, idolizing as it does beauty, money, and status. As you rightly point out, Brown’s family did not do enough to disrupt her romantic , delusional inner narrative about OJ. And she needed to do some serious self searching for her own sake and for her children’s sake. Instead she became a cautionary tale for women in abusive relationships.
That was one of the most depressing things about this story: The family knew what was going on but did nothing to stop it. Her *father* saw the photos of her bruised face; I'm entirely certain my father would have threatened Oj's life if he ever came near me. I keep in mind that it was all 30-40 years ago when we knew less than we know now, when women were weaker than they are now, when we all still believed "Don't Blame The Victim" even though I've never understood why we didn't challenge willing victims. It's why I've started writing about how domestic violence affects *all* of us and how we *all* need to challenge victims, victimhood narrative, and wussy feminism. It ends when *women* decide it ends, and certain feminists will *never* give up that weakness narrative.
I think if I were Nicole's friend I would have told her, when she talked about going back the second time, "If you do our friendship is over. I love you and I'll miss you but he could come after *me*, your family, or any of your other friends. I don't want to be around when that happens, because he IS going to hurt you badly or kill you."
I believe OJ was paying the mortgage for Nicole's dad. He had a financial motive to ignore the abuse. Which makes me question exactly how functional her family really was.
NIcole was a teenager when she began dating OJ. She may not have had any other yardstick to compare his behavior to.
Are there any middle aged women who have had decades of healthy relationships with men who then date an abuser?
I would doubt it. Nicole's inexperience made her very vulnerable to his psychopathic charm.
I looked specifically for abuse in Nicole's childhood and couldn't find any, but that's interesting about her father. Could have been one of OJ's tactics to keep her family silent. That's an important point you've made about how abusers can operate.
I think also it was the '70s and '80s, when we knew a lot less about abuse than we do now. Mothers didn't talk to their daughters about abuse like mine did. This is why I keep emphasizing women need to be more active in prepping the future generations to not tolerate abuse. I used to get really pissed off back then (I was a teen/young adult) when mothers looked away from their daughters being abused by their fathers or some other relative. They weren't believed. They were told they were lying. The damn mothers really pissed me off.
Well, it's not 1984 anymore. We know more about abuse and domestic violence, so where are the excuses now? We have *got* to watch out for children and young girls more. The crap coming out about Nickelodeon in the wake of the docu-series about the sexualization and sexual abuse of children is appalling. I haven't seen the series yet, but I want to.
We're the grown-ups. We're failing young people, and not just girls.
Yes! This is what we should say to our friends who are willfully staying with violent partners. It might wake some of them up. It might have saved Nicole Brown. That said, the propensity of humans for living in delusional fantasy worlds is depressingly stubborn, as we have both noted in our writings.
Thank you for this. What a good factual summary and a good analysis