I Get Racist African Penis Enlargement Spam
The Big Dick Is Back, courtesy of black men (of course!) and you can have one too merely for the price of a quickie gang rape!
(This is an older article I published in 2021 on Medium. I’m on vacation for the next week so I’m repurposing two articles while I’m away.)
Penis enlargement spam is back! Thicker, harder, larger than life, and now, racist as f — um, hell!
Really huge monster mandingo litter-ah-tyoor was the only welcome spam I received during its Golden Age. Today my digitized shitty lunch pseudo-meat induces sleep. Somewhere, someone got the idea I’m a golfer and I’m flooded with sales pitches for all things Old Retired White Boomer Man. I can’t imagine how I got on their lists since the world’s most boring sport is one I never Google.
The New Improved Penis Enlargement Spam offers industrial-strength racism with super-sized misogyny. Emails promise to make my wife scream with my eight-inch-long Hummer From Hell thanks to African men and their Amazing Big Dick Tribal Secrets. All I have to do is buy a plane ticket to visit the Somba tribesmen in Western Africa and turn my white wife out to them. Then the gargantuan gherkin is all mine!
(Maybe I won’t need those golf clubs after all!)
This guy offered his white wife to the African tribesmen as a gift in exchange for their secret manhood elongation ritual. And it WORKED!
Damn, that’s offensive. So I wonder: Who are these guys marketing to? Who’s feeling so emasculated and hateful they’d consider turning their wife out to an African tribe so they could get a big thick rod and nail four chicks in one evening?
The big tell the target audience is sexually insecure white men is the overall racist assumptions, and the context in which it takes place. It emphasizes the ‘white wife’, so you’re quite clear on who needs some hammer help, which isn’t for black husbands obviously. Some spam indicates she’s into the idea herself (Husbandly big dick? Doing several Africans? BOTH, please!!!)
Of further racist note: Sexual success seekers journeying to Africa for The Secret never seem directed into an air-conditioned office in downtown Nairobi talking to tailored-suited businessmen. Their stories always center on painted tribesmen with spears in mud huts sitting around waiting for the next stock broker to show up with his hot-to-trot wife (You Know How Those White Women Are!) perhaps ‘curious’ about trying some boudin noir.
It’s no surprise ‘Africans’ possess the alleged secret to ‘elongation’ techniques, since the myth of the Big Black Dick’s roots originate in the American African slavery era. It plays into the old white male slave owner fear that if he’s availing himself of sexual pleasure with his female ‘property’, maybe his wife is doing the same with those big strong field you-know-whats.
Now why would Miz Prudence choose an ‘inferior’ black slave when she could have her husband’s pure white superior manly studliness? Well, because Mede from Mandingo is, in one way at least, two or three times the man Massa McCracka is.
Oh…. And if you wonder if the African tribe fellows scored on the white chick, the answer is YES!
(I never doubted it. Gang rapes are pretty much always a huge success, except from the viewpoint of the victim.)
Apparently, some ladies were perfectly okay being offered to a bunch of strangers because they got to bang a bunch of guys with big penises while her husband worked on making his own Tom of Finland-worthy Louisville Slugger.
This dude is crazy but what a secret he discovered…
He took his wife to a remote African island to negotiate with the tribe elders, including 3 African priests, the sacred secret to gain 6 inches on his member.
But they needed something in exchange.
This guys WIFE…
Don’t worry, it was just for a short period of time, but what followed after it’s wilder than anything you’d see on the craziest rated movies.
What was the concern addressed re the ‘short period of time’? To assure the recipient the wife’s distress was minimized? Or is it more about the pain of seeing your wife getting nailed by guys she might not want to have sex with, or even worse, want to? When she might even decide to stay with them rather than you, since God only knows what other Mating Magic these African guys know? What if they also possess the closely-guarded Secret of the Magic Triple-Axle-Twist Propeller Tongue?
Apparently his wife dug the gangbang so much they might go back ‘just for the fun’.
Ironically, while these stories feature a white woman getting ganged by a bunch of black men (or eagerly agreeing, because, BBD) they don’t mention the (presumably white) husband nailing a bunch of African chicks while he was there.
Maybe African men aren’t as keen to turn their wives out to others as much as under-endowed white men. After all, what’s in it for them? The Secret To The Lowest Ever Golf Rounds?
According to spam from SavageGrowPlus, the current spam king of dicktacular spam (with a website and everything, but you’ll have to Google it yourself — caveat emptor!), some white women are allegedly on the prowl themselves looking for Big African Dicks. The spam promises a 2,000-year-old African ‘twist’ hack that makes one’s penis 48% longer with the subject line White Wife Caught Riding 3 African Priests.
The spam’s hyperlinked video title is all my Thunderbird protection filter will let me see, unless I click the link. Er, no.
The curse of the BBD myth
What’s troubling about the racist spam scams is the subtle-as-a-speeding-train reinforcement of black male ‘animal’ sexuality. It plays into ugly stereotypes for insecure white men, afraid of the one element about once-utterly subjugated human beings they could never control.
Yes, men believe still in the myth of the BBD, including gay men. Including non-white gay men. Think of how much pressure black guys are to meet some deformed ideal birthed in the era of whippings and lynchings.
Apparently, men and women alike experience palpable disappointment at unzipping a black man’s pants to discover an awful reality smackdown: Six inches, more or less.
What a terrible legacy of hypersexualized expectation to have to live with.
I don’t know how much men still believe in penis enlargement phallus-ies, but I should point out it IS possible to alter your penis to make it bigger, longer, thicker, more massive. It’s an evidence-based scientifically proven technique known to medical doctors since the 1980s: Phalloplasty, or surgical penis enlargement.
In other words, gents, you’re stuck with the same dilemma as women with breast dysmorphia: Those silly-ass creams, exercises, pumps and herbal supplements won’t grace you with a longer schlonger any more than they will give your wife Dolly Parton boobs.
You really want to make that body part bigger? It’s gonna take a few sharpies to make it so, Number One! And I don’t mean Magic Markers.
A second option may be less painful but still—needles: Dermal filler injections, similar to what women get to boost lips and cheeks.
Who are men really doing this for?
Here’s the real irony: Women don’t care about gigundous johnsons nearly as much as men. Research has shown many men seek penile enlargement to impress other men. Others do it for self-esteem, or for better bedroom performance (in their own minds, anyway). In fact, dick size isn’t even on the list of reasons why women divorce their husbands.
A 2020 study of the desired penis length of males and females found that only 14% of women found fault with their partner’s penis while nearly 50% of men found fault with themselves, three times as likely as women.
Fifteen years ago I used to get big dick spam that must have been written by men because it focused on the wrong objective: Pleasing women in bed. And they blamed it on dick size, rather than performance.
Smilin’ Bob from the Enzyte commercials of the early oughts. One must wonder: Is a side effect a permanent rictus grin? How do his office mates know he has a swingin’ Swingline? How does he make his neighbor’s hose ‘wilt’ with a friendly wave? Does Enzyte give you magical powers?
Instead, fellows, it’s not the size of the sword but the skill of the swordsman!
And anyway, just be honest, guys.
Think about it. Your open-mouthed-with-awe Big Dick moment isn’t in her bedroom, but in the locker room at the gym. Don’t stare!
Do the Somba tribesmen actually seek bigger dicks?
Maybe.
I can’t find a lot about them so far but I did find a brief historical reference from the early twentieth century talking about what they allegedly did for lengthy lingams. They cut a hole ‘of a certain size’ in a tree branch into which the prospective Priapus inserted his dick for several months until he got the desired length. The reference included a photo of a Somba man with what looks like an 8"-9" fully erect penis belted to his belly.
I’m guessing white men won’t want to wander around with a giant tree branch strapped to one leg until they get their humongous hot rod. “Hey big boy, is that a Balsam Fir in your pants or are you just happy to see me?”
Big bushwhacker, big boobs
I’ve never ceased to boggle at the capacity of the human mind to believe that which is contradicted by the evidence of its lying eyes: There’s no quicky tricky for a thicky dicky. You either work with what you’ve got or you book an appointment with a plastic surgeon.
As a teenager I found ridiculous ads for bust creams in magazines. I asked my mother, “Do those really work?” I was only twelve and embarking on my first bra but I couldn’t know yet whether I’d ‘measure up’ when I was sixteen.
“They’re all garbage,” she told me.
After all, if it was that easy to get big boobs, wouldn’t every woman have them?
I used to wonder similarly about men. Did they not wonder why they didn’t see more monster masts in the gym or public restrooms? Or does everyone else look like they’ve got 48 pounds of swingin’ schwing when you look at your own perfectly normal six-inch love cannon while your brain screams “MICROPENIS!!!”?
Mostly I laughed in the olden days, wondering who the hell was desperate enough for a colossal kielbasa that they’d buy a product referring to their dick as a ‘custard launcher’. Today’s racist fiction isn’t as amusing, even though I know no one is turning their wife out to a mob for some fake tribal secret. Still, it goes to show you: Some guys never learn.
Six inches is six inches, guys. And they say women can’t do math.
AI audio snippets from Elevenlabs.com, which I highly recommend!
Take Me Now! porno music by Nick Chapman on Free Music Archive, CC BY-NC
Hatesex porno music by Mr. Juno on Free Music Archive. CC BY-NC
When I’m not installing new filters on Thunderbird to prevent the influx of new penis enlargement spam after all the research I did for this article, I help women reclaim their power at my website Grow Some Labia. Ironically, the only time I thought to use an anonymizer while researching this was when I needed to Google on the proper way to refer to golf scores.